Ask Dr.Babz

Q. I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q.Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A. You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables . So, a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass(green leafy vegetables). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q. Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A. No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made from grain. Bottoms up!

Q. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A. Well, if you have a body and you are fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one,etc.

Q.What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A. Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...Good.

Q. Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A. YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting soft around the middle?

A. Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only do sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q. Is chocolate bad for me?

A. HELLO...Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q. Is swimming good for your figure?

A. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me!?

Q. Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A. Hey, round IS a shape!

*Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "life is NOT to be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways- Chardonnay in one hand-chocolate in the other-body thouroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE!!


Miz UV said...

"If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me!?"

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Love that.

sKILLz said...

Yo your a fucking crazy ass bitch I swear!
I love the one about swiming/whales! that shit had me rolling!

Old Knudsen said...

I don't think corn and hay are....... oh never mind it sorta makes sense, good enough for me.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Miz UV, well it's true, right? All those Doctors think they've got us all running scared. Not me dammit.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Skillz, those secret papers said the same thing. I found them in a classified file, I wasn't supposed to see...

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Old Knudsen, tow comments on my blog? WTF, are ya dieing or something? Now ya got me worried.