Posting From Bumfuck, Pa.

Greetings from Band Camp!!Oh, wait that was 38 years ago.

I'm in Pa., a little town called DuBois. My sons husband has already left for work and my son is still asleep. His hubby takes care of him, for the most part, so he sleeps in. We stayed up late, well till 1:15am, just talking, shooting the shit, catching up. I slept till 8am and can't do a minute more, thus, it's all quiet on the homefront and I am here blogging.

Yesterday, we went to Salamaca, N.Y., to the Casino. Damn, I had a good time. Believe it or not, I only spent $12 on the slot machines. I was a good girl but I can see where a person, could really go wrong and it becoming a habit. I only spent $12 cause I won, I think $18, (woohoo) but I was trying to be conservative. High stakes, huh? But I wasn't there to gamble. Nope, I was there to eat.

First we went to the smoke shop, when we first got into town and I bought three cartons of Marlboro's, plus two packs of Camels for $84. The Camels were in these little cases. I'd had a case, my ex had given me, which I put my cigs in and I wanted a new one, so I bought these exotic flavor cigs, just for the case. No, I never claimed to be brilliant, ok.

Then we went to the Casino and straight to the Buffet. I ate like I was going to the Electric Chair in one hour. I'd smoke a cig and go back for plate two. I had shrimp cocktail, popcorn shrimp, prime rib, sliced ham, they slice it for you. I had stuffing and mashed potatoes, made with ranch dressing and I put bacon pieces in it. I had these mashed sweet potatoes with brown sugar and pecans. I ate some kind of Chinese spicy beef and General Tso's Chicken, a few bites of Lo Mein, little egg rolls but just a couple bites. More ham and popcorn shrimp and I had to smoke again. You can smoke right there at your table and I felt so naughty. (I love feeling naughty and can be naughty on demand. What fun) Then, I ate the top off, a slice of Boston Creme Pie and most of a square piece of cheesecake. We smoked again and headed for the slot machines. I'll post the pics later of the place. You couldn't take a camera inside but this place had about an acre of all kinds of slot machines. I had fun.
I was still so stuffed on the way home, I had to lay down on the back seat. What a fucking bum.

We were home by 5pm and laying like fat dogs, on the crushed suede couches. My son-in-law, is addicted to watching QVC and watched that while Lee and I caught up on the trivial pursuit of life. I got some juicy gossip, who's doing this, who's doing that and who's addicted to what.

My sons ex, Jimmy and Lee are still the best of friends. Jimmy lives in a little town, in Pa. and his Mom works for the Sheriffs Dept. and I tell you this for a reason. Jimmy is openly gay but keeps his business on the D.L., more or less. This is basically, to retain his Mom's reputation in the little community. Sooooo, Jimmy gets the bright idea, to do some cleaning and decides to throw out a few boxes of Gay Porno Mags. God forbid, he'd not want the trash guys, who work for the city, to see this collection, he's getting rid of. He decides to take it, to the Family Dollar dumpster, in town. All was well until the police show up at his door and he got a $300 fine for whatever charge they have for putting rubbish in someone elses dumpster, omg! He'd forgot to take his name off the mags and they traced it all back to him. To add insult to injury, the little town, which shall remain anonymous because they're a bunch of fucking wankers, I hate their guts and they are to be mentioned in my book, which will of course, set the record straight, put their shit on the street and and and the corrupt officials, that did the dirt, to me and mine, will be named. (Mini Rant, sorry) I will tell it all. What was I talking about? Oh yea, to add insult to injury, this little town, puts your name in the paper, 2nd page, telling all, what you were charged with, (Jimmy was charged with Improperly disposing of Pornographic periodicals) and the disposition of the case. Of course, I was on the front page cause I'm a hardcore drug dealer...NOT! Poor Jimmy must've been so embarrassed.

Today, is an easy day; shopping, laying around, gossip and playing with my two Grandsons, who just adore me. Brady, (he's a Pug and my fav Grandson, sssssssssssshhh!) likes to rip my hair ties out of my hair. I let him have the first one and now he thinks they're all fair game. He and Dakota, my other Grandson (he's a boxer) played tug o'war with my hair tie which no longer resembles my hair tie but wait till I post pics of him, he' s so damn cute and looks just like me, except he's cuter and only has a few more wrinkles, on his face, than I do and he's chubby like me. Definite family resemblance.

Nothing eventful, just how I want it. I'm in Bumfuck, Pa., next town over from the infamous lead guitarist for Kitty Whipped (formally Pussy Whipped but these Bumfuckers can't say that on the radio, so they stream lined the name) Webmiztris, the blogger formally known as Dawn of Tiny Voices in My Head. Meet ya at the Eat N Park, ok Dawn?

Tonite's Agenda; It's time to get shitface snot sligin' drunk and eat Chicken Enchilada's compliments of my Son-in-Law, an excellent Chef.

Best part of the trip, so far???

They gave me my Christmas presents from the past two years. Now I know why they were afraid to mail it, plus they'd planned to visit but guess what I got?
  1. An expensive Espresso Machine
  2. A gold chain from Gordon's Jewelers
  3. A real, beautiful Sapphire ring
  4. Best of all; A Diamond necklace. It has three huge diamonds, tear drop and stands for my three sons.
  5. A whole set of Bed, Bath & Beyond Soaps, lotions and bath gels
How fucking cool is that?
(I don't know? I wasn't the Mom of the Year, so how'd I get so lucky?)


Xmichra said...

Sounds like you are having a fabulous trip! I am glad that Lee and Hubby are taking such good care of you, and all that shrimp girl! You are in heaven!!! lol...

Those gifts sound wonderful, you might not be mom of the year but i figure you must be a pretty good mom none the less. And I am sure Lee thinks you are his mom of the year :)

brotherray said...

HOT DAMN! It's so good to see you! Oh HELL yeah it sounds like you're having a great time seeing the GKids and doing the good ole eating til horizontal in the back seat trick and recovering to pig out again on some great damn food. And ALL those wonderful presents??? WOW - you lucky mama and Gmama!

Hey - when you get shit-faced in Bumfuck PA this evening, drink at least 5 straight up for me OK? HAHAHA! And fire up one of those fancy cigs too! I've been guzzling Busch No Ass all week in this heat BLAHHHHHHHHH!

I can't believe what those assholes did to Jimmy for putting his mags in a dumpster. Hell - that's a helluva fine, not to mention they put it in the paper?? Now ain't that some shit? Assholes.

Big love to you babe! I have to catch up!

Bedazzler said...

Wow, I bet you did five tons of shit after all that buffet food. WHAT? Jus' sayin!

Webmiztris said...

nice! I'm just getting caught up with blogs now and I find out you were practically next door! sounds like a good trip, and that was one impressive you meal you!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

X, my son is my BFF so this is so special to be able to visit. My son-in-law and I have never been real close but damn if he hasn't gone out of his way to make me smile! I'm lovin it!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Brotherray,that's pretty bad when you gotta lay on the back seat, huh? hahaha!
I didn't drink last nite either but I will give it the ol college try tonite. In your honor.

Poor Jimmy. He's gotta live in this town, how fucking embarrassing, huh?

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Bedazzler, funny you should say that cause I made the comment to my son, thinking I would but I don't know where it went, thus far but no really out. Probably straight to my child bearing hips.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Webmiztris, I'm having a blast and hopefully, this time next year, you'll have regular gigs and I can come to see ya!

AZCG said...

Yeah! For puttin' the hurt on the fab buffet, any time there is seafood around I'm hittin' it hard just like you did.

Note to self: "Always remove mailing labels." and "Shread porn whenever possible." Small town cops don't have anything to do so they have to blow the little things out of proportion so they can prove they aren't spending all their time at the donut shop.

Have fun! I was in PA a couple of years ago, I really enjoyed the greeness (sp?) greenness (sp?) I loved all the trees and flowers --very different from out West.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

AZCG, I put a dent in their seafood supply for sure, Ha! I as only tasting other stuff but I wasn't playing when I grubbed on the meat and all.

Yes, I've learned a valuable lesson from poor Jimmy. He's so modest. I will see him tonight for the first time in 6 years and I've promised myself not to bring the subject up. I'm hoping I don't burst out laughing when I see him. Damn!

Pa. is so green and hilly? isn't it? I've never been to Az. so I don't know but when you drive through anywhere else, you notice that Pa. seems to have the most hills and mountains to climb. The shopping is good for bargain stuff, well better than L.I. where you pay an arm and a leg for anything.

Thanks my friend. Heard from Chuck, at all? I've been worried.

AZCG said...

Check Chuck's blog, he finally surfaced! I like saying "check Chuck," "check Chuck," check Chuck." Doesn't take much to keep me amused!

Old Knudsen said...

Moderation is for monks huh?

sKILLz said...

12bucks? Come on I thought you would have at least spend 20! 3cartons and 2pack for 84buck is pretty dam good. I think I pay 26 a carton for my Newports.
Man sounds like you ate like a queen! I love to just sit down and eat and eat and not even think about anything else but eating!!
Thats fucked up that he got a 300fine. I guess he knows to take his name off of everything next time huh?
Wow those gifts sound soooo nice! I would love to see a pic of them. Are you planning on posting a pic?

PS I started my own blog! So make sure to spread the word and come on by and check it out homie!

One Wacky Mom said...

OMG...DUBOIS??? Are you kidding me? Yup I know where you poor gal you!

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