Gone Gone Gone Nuckin' Futs
Miz UV/Paula of the famous and posh, Ultrablog, had a post, well here it is;
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Short shameful confession.
I bought a $4.00 fruit bowl thingie so I wouldn't eat a Milky Way ... and then I had the Milky Way anyway.
// posted by Miz UV at 3:56 PM
Then, I commented;
Now, I realize this is nothing short of insanity and I have come to accept that I am not playing with a full deck, in fact, I think the cheese is sliding off my pizza. I argue with myself, every day, in every way. I have been known to tell myself, to fuck off, out loud and in public.
I've even been known to tell myself off and was caught knee deep in the bullshit, just the other day at work. I had fucked up some paperwork and had to completely redo it.
The paper was a confidential notation to our client. It had to be exact, where his money was going, the expense for extra staff on that night, even down to video footage costs. I screwed up and didn't put an integral part of the mission statement down, a huge chunk of expenditure. My boss walked in from the field and caught me, (I thought I was alone) growling under my breath,
"You stupid motherfucking whore. You just can't do anything right. Now, it's all wrong dunbass. I should slap the stupid off your face, ya dumb bitch..."
She said, "Who pissed in your Wheaties, today? I'd sure as hell not want to be them 'Just For Today'." The Just for Today, is an inside joke from AA/NA that we often throw at each other. Anyway, I asked her what the hell she was talking about and she pointed at me and asked who I was pissed off at? I smiled and told her myself for having to redo, type up, place in the envelope and so on, this frigin document.
So, I do realize, I'm like a monkey with a gun, you should wear a flak jacket cause the lights are out, she ain't home. It's even worse when I want something real bad but know I shouldn't have it. I have even slapped myself in the face, calling myself a stupid useless cunt and was caught doing that. I haven't been in a down and out fist fight for some time, altercations, a punch here, Bitchslap there, yes, but no, down n dirty fist fights, in about 6 years. But I have been known to slap the shit out of myself, when I am ready to fight. I think it pisses me off, even more and I become more vicious and crazy.
I don't know, really, why I do it or did it?
But it was after my comment on Miz UV's blog, that I really got to thinking, I really should be locked up, wearing pajamas and scuffling in my slippers, safe and sound, medicated with Thorazine. It's just an observation.
I would have told myself to "fuck off, I want that frigin candy bar, fuck you and your fruit, bitch." That's how I argue with myself. I am my own worst enemy.