Never Trust Mama

This morning, I awoke thinking of my oldest son, Lee. He'd been here for a visit over Christmas. Poor thing had a miserable cough, I mean the kind that'll keep you up and not allow you to really sleep.

Now, I live in the basement apartment of my sister's house. Everybody was asleep upstairs. So, I crept up to her bathroom, knowing she had a bottle of Tussionex/Tussinex?, in the linen closet.We used to call this syrup, taken along with a Barbiturate, maybe a Purple Pickle/Placidyl or Tuinal, "Pancakes & Syrup," when you combined the two


Who'da Thunk It???

I carefully and quietly opened the linen closet, focused on the little brown bottle, copped-n-rolled, crashed-n-dashed and quietly made my way back to my apartment, doing my damnedest not to wake anybody. I'd been sleeping on the Futon upstairs, during Lee's stay as he snores like a crazed Banshee might and I'd wanted to spare the rest of the house,as well, even though I sleep with ear plugs and have for years, Lee and the dog, Brady both snore. Thus it was a better idea for me to allow Lee to have my place and I go upstairs in lil sissies house.. So, I wake in the morn and go down to my place and get on the computer, all the while, Lee was oblivious to my presence.

Open Wide

As I sat there, he was coughing, just terribly. I felt really bad for him. With cough syrup in hand,
I'd grabbed a big ass tablespoon and went back into my bedroom where Lee was sleeping. I tried to wake him and finally he roused after my 20 attempts at waking the dead. "Here take this cough syrup," I poured and administered two gigantic tablespoons of the cough preparation. "Eeeeeeeew, what is that shit," Lee asked me with a look of horror, a ready to puke face. He took the bottle from me and strained to read the writing on the bottle with half awake eyes. "Albuterol, I've heard of that." I grabbed the bottle from his hand and read it out loud myself, "Albuterol, oh fuck spit it out." Much to my dismay, there was no turning back and definitely no spitting it out.

Never Trust Mama

"WTF, WTF," I kept saying. He asked me what was wrong with me? I must have looked like a crazed retard as I stood there and all I could say was , "What the Fuck?" I'd forgotten that the bottle of Albuterol was up there. All I remembered, in the plastic box, my sister keeps her meds in, was the Tussinex. "Damn, damn, damn," was the next set of words I was able to get out, along with the beginnings of, "I'm sorry, damn, I'm sorry." I must've acted pretty retarded as Lee just laughed at me. Oh yea, it's all fun and games till mama gives you the wrong medicine, huh?

Crapping Glass

The Albuterol actually seemed to help, thank God and Lee fell right back to sleep for about another hour. When he woke, I went out back with him, to smoke a cigarette. We were watching the squirrels play, they're like crazed gymnasts around here, they're every where. I didn't see the woodpecker he was trying to tell me about, so he was pointing at the tree. Oh shit, he was shaking so badly, like a cat shitting peach pits, a dog shooting a pine cone out of his ass, a man crapping glass. You get the picture, right?

I still feel bad about that incident. I mean, if you can't trust Mama, who can you trust???

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Babz, youz crazy omg to funny.

bobby in the burgh

anythingbutsad said...

LOL. Albuterol is for people with asthma. My one brother has that. And it does work! When I've had bad chest colds, it clears the lungs right up. Unfortunately, it only works for a few hours though! But what's up with grabbing the wrong meds? :lol:

Xmichra said...

omg!!lol.. poor Lee!!

thejunkyswife said...

Scary! But at least it worked! See...in the end, you can trust mama!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Bobby, I thought you were locked up? Good to hear from you. Yes, I am a bit off, huh?

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Anythingbutsad, I know, it seemed to work but he took so much he was shaking terribly which made me feel terribly for him. Bad Mommy Bad!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

The Junky's Wife, Good thing it wasn't like some liquid laxative or something. Jeez Louise it really coulda been worse, huh?

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Xmichra, I know, I felt like shit, still do but he forgave me, I think. He is the type that'll wait in lurk and get you back when you least expect it. He's like his Mama. Just when you get all relaxed...BAM! I'm worried, lol!

PS, Somehow I passed right by your comment and jumped to the next. Now you'll probably be waiting in the bushes with Lee, huh? Dirty Bitches, the lot of ya, lol!!!

Webmiztris said...

mmm, Tussionex is good shit...got me through my last bout of brochitis....doesn't taste bad either!

Bedazzler said...

Baby Killerrrrr!!!!