Re-Post; In A Perfect World

If you are a PCP (Politically Correct Person)this is not, I repeat NOT something you may want to read!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

In My Perfect World...

Babs For President

I've added some things to this, bear with me...

This cool mod chick,
Paula of Light Motifs, has a post called Fat Friday. My own comment on it, caused me to write this post. *Note; the comment was on her old blog, Ultraviolet, since put out to pasture. Such a loss at that!

If it was a perfect world or even near or a facsimile of a perfect world, I would begin by passing legislation, concerning and/of the following;

As you all know, when I am elected President(Move Over Hillary)...

We will have, amongst other things, the legalization to;
"Taser Ignorant People."

  • If you can justify, that the said individual was negligent in nature, showed a lack of consideration, was stupid/mindless/ignorant/retarded/stoned immaculate, you will not be fined for the act of justified aggression. In addition, to deter the person who will/has filed charges/lodged a complaint against you , for the said accusation thereof, concerning a taser incident, said complainant shall be afforded a case evaluation. Mandates will read that the obligatory individual who has lodged the complaint will, if said allegation is unfounded, receive a fine/penalty, set within the Mandate Guidelines. Guidelines are set into practice, thus deterring people from involving the court system without merit. As well, there would be a stiff fine/penalty, if you did not pay attention in the, i.e., grocery store and held up traffic, just as you would receive a citation, on the causeway/roads for obstructing. There will be a Tazor Processing Court and sworn in Jury. It will be made up of, a consisting roster of Dirty Bitch Generals and held in the Virtual Court via Webcam.

  • You will be required to obtain and maintain, a license to breed/have children. You will and must pass an aggressive test. The test will be well rounded, fair and impartial/unbiased with Psychological, DNA and Environmental variables. If you are deemed immature, too obese (thus proving you in turn will no doubt pass on unhealthy eating habits), freakish,a drug addict, have no job, aspire to only be on welfare and it upsets you to spend cash on food cause you blew your Foodstamps for the trailer park picnic, etc., etc., you will not get a license. You'll have to study for the test and understand the proponents of good parenting. You will be made aware of the responsibility it is to be a good parent. Until such time, as you can prove or be found fit to become a parent, there will be forced Birth Control shots given to both male and female. Of course, Dirty Bitch Generals will administer the test. Tutoring is available.

  • It would be illegal for people to allow their dogs to continually bark and be left outside all fuckin day to have nothing better to do than bark. We will slap your pee pee with the same abandon, as you've shown for leaving your animals out in the cold, unattended, day after fucking day.

  • There would be an invention, you could strap on your dogs ass, that would catch the poop. People that allow their dogs to shit anywhere, will be made to walk through a shitroom, completely nude and of course; bare footed. Shit launchers will be installed in the room and you will be hit with a barrage of every kind of shit known to man. Cat shit, dog shit, cow shit, human shit...

  • All Television stations will not be permitted to show the same commercial within a 6 hour time frame. Commercials that loudly repeat and repeat, the same catch phrase, will not be tolerated.There will be no more Ring tone commercials.

  • It will be illegal for you, inconsiderate bastards, to talk loudly on your cell phone. Like I could give a flying fuck that your mans was out all nite with his homies. If the call can not be deemed as pertinent business or an emergency, you can and will be tasered.

  • It will be illegal for fast food workers to be anything but courteous. They will not be permitted to talk to each other during their on time, in the galley, behind the counter, except to process an order and in the consummation of that order. It will be perfectly legal to taser these workers, if they are fraternizing instead of working.

  • Under stringent supervision, Drugs will be legalized and controlled by the Government. This will clear out the prisons, for one, as most prisons are filled with drug dealers or those with drug charges. Now, these punk ass wannabe hard ass drug dealers will have to get a job or starve. Crystal Meth and Crack Cocaine users will have to move to the new "Drug Enclosure" in Arizona, in the Sonora Desert. A high, unclimbable wall will be built, for safety reasons. This will be, so you can wander aimlessly, become delusional and paranoid, thinking the cops are coming any minute or there are bugs crawling on your skin. The government will provide for your addiction, as long as you stay within the confines of the Powder City. Yes, you may stay there until you get sick of it and finally wake up.

  • A similar occupancy will be made for the Pill Heads and Heroin Addicts. There will be flame retardant couches so when they nod, lit cigarette in hand, they won't burn everybody to death."Nodding Knowles," will have state of the art security cameras everywhere and you will be made to watch as you've made an ass out of yourself. These will be installed in all Drug Cities. Once a week, you will be made to watch your tapes.I was a heroin addict/pill hound so don't think I'm throwing stones, ya heard?

  • One of the most important Bills to be passed will be that liquor/wine/beer will be illegal except under strict Government guidelines. If you show cause, signs of alcoholism, you want to drink like a fish, you must move to Alcohol Acres. Yes, you may drink yourself into a stupor, fall down, puke on yourself or others, fight, pick up nasty chicks, hook up with toothless guys, have unprotected sex and act completely retarded, you can screw till your blue but you won't have access to a car. No more thinking you're ok to drive only to drive drunk and kill a whole family. Yes, you will be spared losing your family because you've gone to prison for Vehicular Homicide. You'll be spared the pain and agony of having to sign over your children to an adoption agency. Yep, it's the law, if you don't have family to take custody of your children and you have a long sentence, you will be forced to give up your children within the first year of your incarceration. (How do you know about this Babz? Well, let me tell you...I facilitated Drug Treatment Meetings within the confines of Prison.I heard the stories, I saw the tears of mothers who's children were taken because they killed somebody, drinkin-n-drivin. They all stated they thought they were fine to drive)And you can bet that at Alcohol Acres, you'll be forced to watch the security tapes of you making a complete ass out of yourself. As well, before you can ever leave, just as with all drug cities, you'll be made to go through at least 6 months of rehab with the emphasis on Behavioral Modification. You'll have to look at accident photos and footage of people who were killed by drunk drivers. During that time, in rehab, it will be made very clear to you that alcohol is a drug too and you are no better or worse than any other junkie/junky. Please read that last sentence again...

  • Child molesters and rapists will also be banned to a similar city (Ream Rock Penal Colony)where they can molest and rape each other till they die or kill each other off. Upon arrival to Ream City, the perv/perpetrator will be sexually molested/raped and degraded, beat and assaulted within an inch of their life, by a big big man, named "Bubba the Bitch Maker Ass Taker." Welcome Kits will consist of a "Suture your own torn asshole set" cause yes, we're kind and considerate, even if you don't deserve kindness and consideration.

  • Whoops don't drop the soap boys... Crooked politicians and government officials will be placed with the rapists and molesters. I think this might deter, those evil, on the sly worms, take advantage of your power and authority sons a bitches, more so, than a harsh prison sentence, which they rarely get anyway, huh? Bastards! "Dirty Cops, it's our pleasure to welcome you to Ream Rock."

  • I could go on and on but I won't, you get the drift...


Bedazzler said...

Finally, someone else who thinks there should be a parenting license before spawning. Babz for Prez!

I'd also like to think that anyone who comes here isn't easily offended, and if they happenstance to come upon DBS, (not literally) and they don't fancy it, they can always quit their whining and bitching, and just FUCK OFF.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Bedazzler, I'm encouraged that I have your vote. Maybe you could be my Chief Whitehouse Correspondent? Would you mind very much, helping me redecorate the Oval Office? I want lots of plants, a crystal ball, colorful drapes, you know just brighten the room up, right?

As well, I think you have an excellent point, if they don't like it they can, just as you said, "just fuck off."(I love to tell 'em that too, it gets my blood boiling, wakes me up, gives me purpose) But now and then, those PCP swipes love to send me an email trying their damnedest to set me straight, you know enlighten me. Ain't happening, lol!

Now Darlin', you have a kick ass weekend and have a drink on me, alright?


Bedazzler said...

Ha! Chief Whorehouse Correspondent, more like it.

BTW in that photo it looks like you're about to be teabagged. In a perfect world, Mr. Nailbox WILL allow teabagging on the bar at Fudge Palace.

Natsthename said...

I am SO WITH YOU on all of those, but the cell phone one is particularly annoying to me. Just yesterday, I was riding the "T" in Boston to go to a show (Spamalot!) and some asswipe sittin' next to me went on and on with an iPod in one ear and the phone at the other. He spoke very loudly, so the entire train car got to hear that he was meetin' his friend at this one stop and that he was not to forget to "bring the shit." I hope he stepped in it.