Uh Oh


A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.

"What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are Farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Sarah." said the teacher. "Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Auntie Babz. Auntie Babz was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Auntie Babz when she's been drinking."


8 comments:

Bedazzler said...

AHAHHAHAHHA!!!! I seriously wouldn't want to meet uoi in a dark alley...for a blowjob.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Bedazzler, c'mere I give a mean BJ and I don't drag me teeth or nothing. I do like to nibble though.

archer said...

I love this gag. The version I use is this one:

THIRD GRADE TEACHER (sweetly): So who would like to tell me what we've learned about reproduction? Yes, Janie?

SWEET LITTLE GIRL VOICE: Umm, well, flowers reproduce.

TEACHER: Very good! Billy?

EAGER LITTLE BOY: And, umm, well, cats reproduce, and dogs.

TEACHER: Excellent! [sighs] Yes, Johnny.

LITTLE BOY: Well, one day the Lone Ranger is riding out in the plains and suddenly here come FIVE THOUSAND INDIANS and there's whooping and yelling and tomahawks and dowdowdowdowdowdow! and in the end there's FIVE THOUSAND DEAD INDIANS lying there and the lone ranger goes riding off into the sunset.

[Pause when telling--you have to get this pause just right]

TEACHER: Well, that's very nice, Johnny, but what does this have to do with reproduction?

JOHNNY [Nasty, hip, completely adult delivery]: NObody fucks with the Lone Ranger.

If you get the pause just right, and say the word "fucks" with just the right amount of malicious street nastiness, this version will crack up a busload of people at once.

There are other versions, but yours is the only other one that has cracked me up.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Archer, that's a story, my sons woulda told with a straight face. They were always going over the line. I'd get calls from their teachers, it was real bad. Do you think Tonto, so this as a hate crime? Just asking, hahaha!!

Edd.D said...

shit, im keepin well clear.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Edd., nope we're going drinkin'! We're here for the beer and we ain't leavin' till we're heavin'!

Xmichra said...

BBWAHAAA!!! that's a good one!

Dirty Bitch Society said...

Xmichra, I love it. In all actuality, I'm no longer a nasty drunk. I used to be though. Waking up with blood and hair ripped out, kinda cured it. Nope, that's a lie. I calmed down, when I went to prison, they have a way of making you think before you jump. Great training.