D B Society: And The Dumbass Award Goes To...

Sometimes...death and dismemberment is funny...

Hairdryer:
Do not use while taking a shower.

If you use a hair/blow dryer in the shower, you deserve the dog shit shocked out of your ass. Sometimes, dumbasses deserve to die.

More Actual Warning labels;

Auto-Shade Windshield Visor
Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.(Don't fuckin tell me what to do. If I wanna drive around and block the sun, well I will.Pushy Commie Bastards)

Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages. (I guess this means, when you pack hubby's lunch, huh?)

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.(I am so disappointed, I love pulling and drilling on teeth)

Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping. (You use this, for makeshift Hershey's and you deserve a really bad case of the shits)

Old Spice Red Zone Deodorant
Use only on underarms.(Damn, you know some guy, used it under his sweaty balls and got a little rashypoo on his dingy dong, huh?)

Zantac 75
Do not take if allergic to zantac.(Fuck that retard in the ass)

Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only. (This warning is for you freaks that have a fetish about sticking Christmas lights up your ass. Also, for those of you that decorate the ol' kitty and meat curtains, right?)

Earplugs
These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe (No shit. This warning should be tattooed on every dick)

Pepper Spray
Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.(I was hoping you would, you fucktard!)

RCA Television Remote Control
Not Dishwasher Safe (OK, it should be recorded, on paper, on display, whoever did this)

Hair Dryer
Warning: Do not use while sleeping. (WTF, doesn't everybody sleep with theirs on?)

Children's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (We must fight to keep the lie alive, it's too amusing)

Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.(This is always fun to watch)

American Airlines Peanuts
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (That's what "he" said)

Swanson TV Dinners
This product must be cooked before eating. (This is for you impatient motherfuckers)

Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands. ("Well Honey, for some reason, the damn thing
wouldn't go off...")

Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down. (Oh, now you tell me)

Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts. (This is for you sue happy bastards, as well as you whiners)

Hand-held Massaging Device
Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.(But it helps me sleep)

Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.("Well, I thought I was good to go, your Honor, and they didn't have any warning and I cracked my head open and ...")