Layin' Eggs???

I came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside my sleeping husband, and fell into a deep slumber.
I awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Babz."
I was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much
to live for. Too much shit to do. Send me back!
St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go
back, and that is as a chicken."
I was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send me to a farm near my home.
The next thing I knew, I was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strutted past. "Hey baby! So, you're the new hen, huh?
How's your first day here?"
"Not bad," I replied, "but I have this strange feeling
inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster.
"Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never," I admitted, rather embarrassed.
"Well, just relax and let it happen," says the rooster. "It's no
I did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
I was overcome with emotion as I experienced motherhood, hen style. I soon laid another egg -- I actually thought it was kinda cool and easier than giving birth to a real baby.
As I was about to lay my third egg, I felt a smack, right across the fuckin face, and heard my husband shout.....

"Dammit, Babz! Wake up. Why are ya shittin in the bed?"


zeckko said...

well Baby (tell me you were not embarassed), drunk I already did it in the street in front of people. But in the bed ... with my husband ... ? Oh, but of course not ! I have no husband !

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Zeckko, truly, I am so modest, I can't even go w/strangers in the house. Now, I've never really pooped in the bed but I did dream I was sitting on the toilet and started to pee. That's embarrassing, for sure!

BTW, I have no husband either, suits me just fine!

sKILLz said...

Awww man thats some crazy shit! Shit in the bed? Fuck, if Gypsy were to do some shit like that i would jump out of that bed so dam fast! I dont I could ever look at her the same again, I really dont think I could!

AZCG said...

I had a friend who got a job tending bar, on her first night at the bar she drank so much she came home stinkin' drunk jumped in bed with her sleeping husband got all lovey dovey and promptly threw-up all over him. Needless to say he was pissed, and then my friend promptly passed out so her husband had to get up and change the sheets, clean up his wife, and then take a shower.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Skillz, yea I think Gypsy wouldn't look you in the face either, she'd be too embarrassed. It was a good joke though, huh? lol!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

AZCG, I've kinda done that myself. I was snot slingin drunk, after staying for an after hours party, at the bar I worked for. When liquor is free, you feel the need to get more than your share. By the time I got home, at 3am, I was reeling. I projectile puked from across the room. I'd thrown up all over the radio and the luevered? closet doors and on my clothes, hanging in the other open door. I was too drunk to clean it up and went to bed. How messed up is that, huh?

CatLambe said...

LOL thats fucked up

EmmaK said...

So funny. I almost shit myself laughing. I wonder what it would be like to be a chicken, a bit like giving birth to a kid every day I expect, except it would just be an egg. I don't think I'd fancy it much.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Cat, thanks for the joke, my ol friend! Thought you'd appreciate it!

tony said...

Adds A Whole New Meaning To the Term "Getting Laid" !

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Emmak, well, I think, if you think about it, hen's have a pretty nasty personality. I mean they'll chase your ass, ya know. They're just bitchy after having to give birth every day.It gets on my last nerve, just thinking about it, lol!

Thanks for stopping by and please don't be a stranger, ok?

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Tony, it sure does. I look at those poor buggers in a different light now. It's gotta be a real literal pain in the ass, to have to give birth every day. That fucking rooster can keep his ass away from me, lol!