Sex Coupons

This is a re-post from Babz Bitchin...

Don't be afraid to comment here, the CIA says this is a valid subject!
I am 48 years old. Yes, I'm an old Slut with a capitol "S" and I do not apologize. I started having sex, way back in 1971. I think this gives me a good idea, what the whole scenario is all about. It also has taught me a lot about how men/women operate, right? This post applies to all sexual preferences and it knows no boundaries. I do think monogamy is a wonderful thing and in this day and age, safe sex is the only way to go. That means
, don't think that, that guy, who's just so cute, with that nice ass,, may not be infected or that chick doesn't have a disease, right. Don't be another statistic, wear a condom, if you've not got a history with this person, ok? Every single person, including myself, never thought it would happen to them. But this post is about having a good time. Nothing says lovin', like a chubby in the oven!

(Right click, save and print) (Do It!)

One thing I have learned, is you have to spice things up, sometimes, you know, to keep your man/woman from shopping at another store. Well, that and threatening their life, that they'll never live to remember their indiscretion or live to tell about it, if caught.
The other thing I learned, is, getting old, is a matter of compiling memories, good or bad. Hopefully, you have more good than bad. My wish would be that I live, at least a few more years, too and build and retain more memories. My demise would be to get Alzheimer's and not remember a damn thing. Then again, those with Alzheimer's often digress, back to their teens or when they were younger. Now that would be some cool shit, huh? But the big question is gonna be;

Have I lived?

I'd like to think I have had a long life, full of memories, enough for a book, anyway. But it comes down to building some really good memories.

I Double Dog Dare You!

I dare you to walk on the edge. I dare you to do something, you'd never dream of doing and I'm not talking about Bungee Jumping! Think out of the box. Think out of the norm or status quo.
Sometimes, it's even the smallest approach that will get him/her thinking. Do something that you've never done. Have sex somewhere unusual and be daring. Stop that missionary shit for one night. Get on that pony and ride. Be a trick rider. Ride backwards, holding onto his toes, then he can watch the whole thing. Most men, want Betty Crocker in the kitchen and a trained Prostitute in bed. Give it to him, I guarantee, he will not forget it.

Go out with a skirt and no panties. Your husband will be driven nuts, the sexual tension will be so thick, you can cut it with a knife.
(Click on Me)
Strip for him or surprise him when he comes home from work, dressed in a teddy or whatever. I've never heard of a man who complained that his wife wanted sex, when he came home from work. I've never heard a man say his wife was too demanding, always wanting sex.

Make a list of places, you want to have sex and try to mark off that list. I can't remember my exact list and I know I have not done them all, as one of them was to screw in a Castle in Ireland. Some were improv, such as having sex on the 33rd floor of the Washington Monument in D.C. or when I went into the walk-in freezer with that good-looking Latin Lover/Dishwasher at a restaurant I worked at. Good grief, he rocked my world but then he started stalking me, ranting about love. Who knew?
But I think the cleverest thing I ever did, was to give my husband, a book of coupons for Christmas. I had no money, as a young bride, staying home with my son. So, I cut and colored a whole book of pull outs for "A Blow Job on Demand." I honored ever coupon, no matter how daring it was, or how afraid I was of getting caught. He got that "Coupon Book" and a box of chocolate covered cherries, his favorite. Years later, before he died, he had told me, through all the years, that was the only gift he loved the most, the one most memorable. After the first coupon book, I'd ask him what he wanted for Christmas and he'd always answer, "you know what I want" and I gave him another coupon book. He then gave, recounted, exactly where he used every coupon and the whole scenario, as if it had happened just yesterday. He remembered, whipping out a coupon, he kept in his wallet. We were at the brand new movie, "Star Wars," in the balcony, all by ourselves. He remembered the time, he almost wrecked the car, as he had handed me a coupon, driving down the rode. We were riding down a back rode and as he neared a curve, my head got stuck in the steering wheel. "What a way to die," he exclaimed, a huge shit eatin' grin on his face. He remembered handing me a coupon, at a Jack in the Box, fast food restaurant and us going into the men's room, right then and right there, me on my knees. Or the time, we were driving from Virginia to New York, on the Interstate. I'd not known it at the time but he'd handed me a coupon and I was doing the dirty deed. All the while a Trucker was watching us and gave my husband a "Thumbs Up" and mouthed the words, "Lucky Bastard." He could recall, every single coupon and had the biggest smile and isn't that what love is, making your significant smile? Better yet, isn't it about the good memories? When you're old and gray, a memory might even start a fire. Those slow burning embers just might be rekindled, huh?
(Click on Me)
Be crazy, be slutty, be daring, be dirty cause they'll remember it longer than they'll remember you in your bathrobe, hair all screwed up. They'll recall the good times more than the bad, if...
"You Blow Their Mind!"


archer said...

You are a dreadful Jezebel and Jesus will send you to the Bad Place when you die. Only he'll get your phone number first. ;-)

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Archer, Jesus loves my marriage counseling ability... let no man come between what God put asunder. He wants me to spread the word that in marriage, you gotta add a little flavor to a sometimes dull soup, huh?

sKILLz said...

You know this is so fucking funny because when me and my girl first got together I didnt have any money for some reason or another and our Aniversary was coming up.
Every month I tried to out-do the last.
I would cook dinner, light candles, try and be all sexy.
Take a trip the the sex shop and let her get something.
Anyway this one time I didnt have any money I made a book of "coupons".
I remember one for a massage, she loves them because I went to school for that so mine are REALLY good!
Other were for dinner and some were sexual.
She used every last one of them!
I like how you made yours Im going to print them out, now I dont know if she will honer them but hey its worth a shot right?

Yes I hope that if and when I get to that age me and my wife will have some really great memories. More good than bad. We have some good ones as is, and we have only been together a lil over 3 years.

AZCG said...

I came home from work early, I showered, did my hair and makeup, put on my burgundy teddy with ecru Chantilly lace, put on my highest heels, turned off all the lights and lit candles all over the house, I put on some sexy music, then I waited…

I heard his truck pull into the driveway, so I walked to the door because I knew the candles behind me would cast a golden aura all around me, and waited in eager anticipation…

He flung open the door and said…

What the heck happened to the electricity? Did you blow a fuse? Just give me a second and I’ll check the fuse box. And out the door he went, came back in and flipped the light switch and said nothing the matter with the fuse, you can blow out the candles, and he proceeds to walk around the room blowing out candles. He never noticed I’m in a lace teddy, he turns off the stereo and flicks on the TV, and he proceeds to watch a western movie.

There isn’t a romantic bone in the boy’s body, but we’ve been together 30 years, says a lot about a woman’s patience don’t it.

~Babzbitchin~ said...

Skillz, at least you try, huh? Which is more than I can say for a lot of people. They think it should all just happen like in some novel. Sometimes, you must be the playwright and make it happen. Right?
I think half the fun, for my hubby was he'd whip one out and whip it out at the most in opportune time. Ah, the adventure.

~Babzbitchin~ said...

AZCG, OMG, I woulda died or laughed myself to death. Now, sorry to say but that's funny.Somehow, I'm able to see the look in your eye as he merrily goes on his way, the savior of the fuse box. hahaha!

archer said...

For a minute I thought Azsg said "I heard this truck pull into the driveway," and by the next paragraph I was thinking "What the hell kind of a meter man is that?"

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Archer, well he coulda been a lucky meter man, huh?

Bedazzler said...

"Yes, I'm an old Slut with a capitol "S" and I do not apologize."
Babs you're too much.

Um...I resigned from my that daring? Paperwork in NOT sexy.

Bedazzler said...

...unless the paperwork is a COUPON, apparently.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Bedazzler, paperwork is not sexy, granted. But what are you wearing whilst doing the paperwork? Besides, you're so sexy, if you weren't gay, you'd be in big trouble Mister. I'd stand you on your head and lick you like an ice cream cone. That's not a threat, that's a promise.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Bedazzler, yes I'm the kinda woman your Mama warned you about.