Deadly Bedfellows



So, my Sis works with a dude who's ex girlfriend had this snake, a Boa Constrictor.She's had it for a couple years. She loves this frigin snake enough that the damn thing slept, at the foot of her bed, for those entire two years. Every nite, all cozied up at her feet.

Ain't enough love nor money, if you ask me. I mean, I went through my freaky spell and wanted a boa so bad but I grew outa it, thank God.

Anywho, so every night, she'd come home from work, kinda wear the snake around the house, you know, like the best of friends and when she climbed into bed, the snake always went with her. How charming is that?

She took notice, when two weeks had gone by and poor little snaky poo hadn't eaten. She became concerned and made a mental note, to call the Vet on Monday. On Friday nite, her and the snake watch movies together and go to sleep. Same gig on Saturday. Both nights, she woke, in the wee hours of the morning, to the snake, lying, stretched out by her side. This was a peculiar act but she attributed it to him needing her body heat. Poor lil bugger...
With heightened concern, she just showed up at her Vet's office and he did accommodate her, bringing her right into an examination room. She told him about the snake not eating for the last two weeks. As the Doctor examined the snake, she conveyed her questions, broadening her query. "Could he be sick and need my body heat cause, well, he always sleeps on my feet and this past Friday and Saturday night, he was stretched out, right beside me, the length of my body..."

"Your kidding me?," said the Doctor with amusement. She wasn't amused at his amusement. This was her baby. The Doctor placed the snake back in it's container and sat her down. "My Dear," he now said with a serious look, "You were being sized up, you were the reason, he didn't eat, he was waiting for the right opportunity, the right moment...

TO EAT YOU!!"


14 comments:

archer said...

I never wanted a boa. I wanted a Krait. I wanted to take it in for Show and Tell and say "This is Satan, my pet Krait. Compared to this guy's venom, Cobra venom is a vanilla shake. One bite and it's all over, after you twitch and drool for a while, of course. Even with the antivenin your chances are no better than even." I asked in a lot of pet shops etc. but they would never sell me a Krait.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Archer, why have I not heard of a Krait? Sounds deliciously evil but I'd be willing to bet, you gave your poor Mother, a run for her money, huh?

sKILLz said...

No freaking way?!?!? Oh man is that for real?
I would have gotten rid of that fucker right away if that was the case.
Now does she still have it? Is she going to keep it?
Is it still not eating?
I wouldnt want that even near me, and in my sleep? Oh man fuck that, Im a tuff bitch and all, but I have seen Anaconda and that mofo is scary as shit!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Skillz, I know, that's some scary ass shit, huh? No, she got rid of it, as far as I know. I heard it really freaked her out. So much for their friendship, right?

Webmiztris said...

ha! now, that is a good one!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Webmiztris, that's some messed up shit, huh?

.Ophelia. said...

holy.fuck!
I love snakes. But if I heard that I would have to get rid of it too!
zomg!!!

Though Im more of a Burmese Pythons. I think they are bit more tame.

archer said...

Ever watch your cat eating her dinner, and she gives you a kind of an empty sidelong glance that seems to say "Keep staring, punk, and you'll be next"?

Joe the Troll said...

Having owned a Ball Python for the past 18 years and lived with both a Burmese and a boa, I have serious doubts. Few animals, especially those lacking higher thought, are going to pass up a meal because a bigger one MIGHT be available. hese things are dumb but they have a rough idea of what is small enough to eat. Oh, and Burmese pythons ARE very mellow creatures, to be sure. Just too damn big to keep, IMO.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Ophelia, I do believe she got rid of it pronto. I know my ass wouldn't want it after that. I wonder if it hurt her feelings, lol?

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Archer, why yes, as a matter of fact. I had one cat that was kinda feral and he would growl if you got near his food. He especially gave, "The Look."

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Joe, holy shit, you own both? Youz crazy! I did want a boa when I was a teen, though. But if he was all stretched out like that, what was he doing, I wonder?

brotherray said...

Got Almighty DAMN was she freakin insane?!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Brotherray, you'd have to be fuckin insane to let a boa sleep with you every nite. Just plain coot owl crazy! Right?