Sex is...


"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things
that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the
taxidermist."
--Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other e eight are
unimportant."
--George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
--Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a
sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
--Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know
what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting m married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough
blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

6 comments:

Woogie said...

Say what you think..howeverI'll take a mushroom in a cow pattie and discuss it at lenghthhhhhhhh..

Dirty Bitch Society said...

woogie, let's do it!

~Babsbitchin~ said...

woogie, it's been years since I've done any 'shrooms but I'm quite sure it's like riding a bike, huh?

Jonathan said...

I've got a few lines about sex:

"The size of a man's penis isn't important...unless you're going to have sex with him." - Erica Jong, I believe.

"I have sex all the time! Now all I need is a partner." - Bud from "Just One Of The Guys"

"A guy's first time is tougher than a girl's first time. For a girl's first time, you don't even have to be good...you just have to be THERE!" - Forgotten comedian

Also, I recall seeing a comedian in the early 1990's (forgot his name) who said that he masturbates all the time and has a vivid imagination (i.e. has sex with gorgeous women in his mind), and that he likes walking up to a girl in a bar and saying "Wanna have sex? Before you say 'No', let me warn you that I'm gonna have sex with you one way or the other, so you might as well be there!"

DirtyBitchSociety said...

jonathan, that's hilarious. I had a pretty skeesy guy pull this line on me;
So, good lookin' ya wanna get a pizza and go somewhere and fuck? To which, I did the big valley girl, "Eeeeeeeeew," and he says, "What, you don't like Pizza? That's strange." I found him interesting after that. He was very abrupt but funny.

.Ophelia. said...

hahah best quotes ever, I might be borrowing. I'll link you though ;o)